The Secret Sauce to Crushing Your Goals (that no one is talking about)
You Were Taught To Dream Big — Here’s Why You Aren’t Where You Want To Be
Our entire childhood, we were told things like: “Dream big.” Or “You can be or do anything you put your mind to.”
And when it came to the age-old question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” We felt empowered to have any answer under the sun, no matter how outrageous, and it be acknowledged and accepted by our adults.
Unknowingly to us, their response was under the guise that it didn’t really matter. And for now, those asking the question didn’t feel the need to crush our spirits.
As the age gap grew a wedge between us and our five, eight, or ten year old selves, we began to realize that instead of being inspired to think outside the box, the world and those closest to us started placing us in predetermined boxes — projected through their own insecurities, worldly pressures, or generational expectations.
That having wild imaginations and shooting for the stars with our dreams was okay when we were young. But now the echoing voices of our parents, educators, and older generations begin to tell us that it’s time to “grow up” and think “realistically” about our futures.
The hard truth is, we were taught how to make big goals, but never taught the most important part — how to (actually) make them happen, even when they seem outlandish.
Why Goals Aren't Enough
Research shows that, on average, 10% of Americans follow through with New Years resolutions. Let that sink in. Now, there’s many reasons why this is the case: fear of failure, lack of motivation, time, clarity, or support.
But what it boils down to is that majority of people’s resolutions focus on the “what” instead of the “how.”
I recently picked up the highly recommended book "Atomic Habits" by James Clear and he said it perfectly, “To truly succeed, we need to shift our focus from goals to systems.”
Let’s dive into what no one else is talking about — that “what” we want, while important, is not the golden ticket to success, but rather the path to make it happen is.
Problem Number 1: Winners and Losers Have the Same Goals
Think about this: every athlete wants the trophy, every job applicant wants the offer, every homeowner wants the luscious, green lawn, but not everyone succeeds. Why? It's not the goal that sets winners apart; it's their system. They didn’t just decide the outcome that they wanted and get it based off the thought alone. They sat down and created a pathway with mile markers along the way that would help them achieve their goal. Winners get specific on the “how” not just the “what,” and they do something every day to push the needle closer to making that dream a reality.
Problem Number 2: Goals Steal Your Joy
The common belief is "I'll be happy when.…" This mentality puts happiness on hold. And what’s worse is when you achieve your goal, you realize the happiness fades and you (again) want “more.” But what if we switched the way we look at it?
Picture yourself behind the wheel, driving from Point A (where you are) to Point B (where you want to be). You’re driving along knowing where you want to go, but realize it’s so far away. If you’re saying, “I’ll be happy once I get there” you’re missing out on joy that you could be experiencing at every mile marker or pit stop along the way. After all, who doesn’t love a good jam-out sesh, belting out your favorite tunes or a good-for-the-soul conversation with a friend to help pass the time.
Stop waiting for the “big-win” and start celebrating every small win. By falling in love with the journey or process, you’ll begin to feel a boost of gratitude and motivation, helping catapult you to the destination you desire.
Problem Number 3: Goals Won’t Take You Far
Goals often lead to short-term changes – consider this to be the "yo-yo" effect.
Imagine signing up for a 5k race. You begin to train and once race day arrives you run through the finish line with flying colors. Typically after this happens, the training stops because the goal was achieved. (You ran a 5k. You ate healthy food options. You opted out of late night Netflix binges for a restful night’s sleep. Now that you’ve accomplished your goal, you convince yourself that you deserve a break — because your goal was never to make this a lifestyle.)
Creating systems or having a lifestyle change mentality, on the other hand, encourages continuous play and improvement. If your goal was to fall in love with running (lifestyle change) instead of saying, “I want to run in this upcoming 5k” (short-term end goal), the results and benefits desired would inevitably follow. Then, opportunities like running a 5k that was just announced to the community would be an additional part of the fun.
How to F.L.I.P the Switch on Your Goals
So, how do we shift from a goal-oriented mindset to a system-focused one? Here are some tips using the F.L.I.P. Method:
F: Focus on the lifestyle outcome, not it’s side benefits or opportunities.
L: Lead with the “how” not the “what.”
I: Improve daily. One step forward is better than not taking a step at all.
P: Plot your wins. Patience is the key. Pivot slightly when necessary.
Let Me Show You How This Works
My Initial Goal: Run a 5k
*Realize this is a short-term, goal oriented mindset.
So, let’s F.L.I.P it.
F: I’m going to FOCUS on the lifestyle outcome which is, “I want to become a runner.”
So, instead of saying, “I want to run a 5k.” I flip it into something that is now going to become a part of my lifestyle. By making this change, I can rewire the way I think about running and the way I prepare and train.
Then, by default, the inevitable results and opportunities that will follow include things like: 1) becoming more fit, 2) being a part of an awesome running community in my local area, 3) having a physical outlet to release stress, and 4) gaining access to the amazing races no matter where I am located because of my continued efforts towards making running a part of my life.
L: Now, I’m going to LEAD with the “how” and not the “what.” So with the lifestyle outcome being “becoming a runner,” now it’s time to sit down and plan how I am going to do this. Exactly how am I going to become someone who enjoys running? This is the perfect time to ask questions like:
What type of equipment do I need to start running?
What breathing cadence increases my chances of running with more ease?
Do I want to run alone, with a group, or a combination of the two?
How often will I go running?
Is there an app I’m going to use to track my miles and time?
What is the proper distance that I should start out with so I don’t hurt myself or burn myself out?
After writing out questions or notes on what’s needed to make your “how” happen, let’s map it out. Grab your calendar, planner, or phone and start planning out the details. What days will I go running? What time? How far will I run?
I: Then, I will become dedicated to IMPROVE daily. Remember, one step taken in the right direction is better than no step taken at all. So maybe as a new runner, my schedule will look like:
Day One: Research running shoes and purchase.
Day Two: Research breathing cadence and proper running posture.
Day Three: Download an app and set up account to track miles and times.
Day Four: Look up local running group for beginners to join when I can.
Day Five: Running shoes arrived. Stretch and go for a brisk 1 mile walk.
Day Six: Stretch, Walk (fast) for 1/2 mile, Jog for 1/2 mile, Walk for 1/2 mile.
Day Seven: Repeat Day Six.
P: Lastly, I’m going to PLOT my wins, remember PATIENCE is key, and that it’s okay to PIVOT when necessary. If I were to plot some mile markers as a new runner, it may look like:
When I can run 1 mile without stopping, I’m going to buy a new pair of running shorts.
When I can run 2 miles without stopping, I’m going to go get a pedicure.
When I can run 3 miles without stopping, I’m going to enter a 5k race.
Plotting your wins helps you celebrate the seemingly small bread crumbs on your journey towards the bigger picture. But remember that progress takes time. Even if you can’t see or feel any improvement, it’s there and like a seed in the ground needs to build a strong root system before anything buds above the surface.
And if you’re struggling and feeling like you’ve hit a brick wall, plateaued, or need a different plan or motivator, you have the freedom to pivot to help you make your goal a reality. There’s many different paths towards the same end result, and it’s okay if yours looks different than others.
Advice for Your Next Life Changing Goal
So the next time you want to change your life for the better remember that, while goals give us direction, systems pave the way for actual progress. By focusing on the systems we set in place, we not only reach our goals but often surpass them, finding joy and fulfillment in the process itself.
